Local Anaesthetic: The Most Trusted Name In Local News Local Anaesthetic is a podcast exploring strange and funny local stories from across the UK (and occasionally the world...) including listener submitted contributions. Listeners can submit stories via Facebook (Facebook.com/lapodcast), Twitter (@lapocast) or e-mail: (lapodcast.net@gmail.com). We

Stories this week include:

  • Desperate woman milks cat.
  • Hotel chain rues lack of trained dolphins.
  • Existential crisis halts court case.
  • Proud couple reveal devastating wildfire to friends and family.

We have a treemendous Christmas planned...

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Direct download: LA25620edit20.m4a
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:42pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Police apologise following complaints regarding 'obscene and offensive' advert for identity parade participants.
  • Yukuza to host community-theatre production of The Godfather Part II.
  • Parish council unanimously approve game developer's proposed 'Woolfenstein' name change.
  • Emotionally disturbed turkeys sent to recuperate in upstate New York.

Rob gives a no holds barred account of life on the inside...

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Direct download: LA255.m4a
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:54pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Man with nine life-size dolls struggling to find love.
  • Cyclist with newly purchased mattress seduces big cat.
  • Dutch man wastes everyone's time.
  • Zoo sells off animals after Lego sculptures prove more profitable.

We devise a new zoo-related feature...

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Direct download: LA20edit.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:49pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Good samaritan gets lost in pipe organ.
  • Rural town experiences unprecedented humvee showers.
  • Police build case against Lego thieves.
  • Hospital demands correction from newspaper stating patient was not entirely covered with human faeces.

Alex attempts a Ecuadorian accent...

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Direct download: LA253.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:35pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Woman involved in bee-zarre incident.
  • Dilapidated holiday park blames customers for exposing shortcomings.
  • City abandons artificial-moon plan after length of extension lead proves unworkable.
  • Shopper who discovered cooked mouse in bag of rice told 'consider yourself lucky' by supermarket.

Alex attempts to wrangle the peacock...

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Direct download: LA252.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:31pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • 'Exotic' zoo opens plastic lawn ornament enclosure.
  • Galleria dell'Accademia banned from Facebook over pornographic depiction of David.
  • Ungrateful swan mocks fire brigade.
  • Bank robbery ruins perfectly good game of Cops and Robbers.

RIP C*cknose...

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Direct download: LA251.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:40pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Recently discovered collection of vintage porn magazines takes some beating admits owner.
  • Ryanair introduces first hail and ride domestic service.
  • Police left stumped after driver fills entire car with tree branches.
  • Lady Godiva wannabe gets haircut.

Now with extra recorder!

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Direct download: LA250.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:27am EST
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The main headline this week:

  • The Croydon Cat Killer is unmasked.

The podcast is infiltrated by fake news...

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Direct download: LA24920edit.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:24pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Adult-only playground overrun by sugar-addicted toddlers.
  • Unparalleled increase in big cat sightings near houses valued at £750,000 and above. 
  • Recently opened 'Goat World' theme park unmitigated disaster.
  • Operation Takahe lacking manpower.

Rob is definitely not in prison...

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Direct download: LA248.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 11:38am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Shoplifter gets testy after being apprehended by security guards.
  • Supermarket demands victim pay for artisan ketchup used in distraction mugging.
  • Dishevelled robin reluctantly agreed to authorised biography claims author.
  • Fast food chain relieved to confirm that choking hazard was chicken bone.

We enquire about recorders...

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Direct download: new20ep20LA.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:16pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Onion-eating contest ends in tears.
  • Allo Allo cast members spotted in Gloucestershire sparks fears of a reunion.
  • Interspecies gay love affair immortalised in bronze statue.
  • Headteacher hires burlesque troupe to apologise for pole dancer stunt.

Alex sweats it out...

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Direct download: LA_new_ep.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:13am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Vigilante with physics A-level shows journalist collection of severed limbs.
  • Police make squirrel that terrorised man official mascot.
  • Forlorn Irishman fails to take the hint.
  • Woman contemplates otherworldly offspring.

Alex makes a conscious decision to search the Internet for 'slut pig'...

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Direct download: LA245.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:50am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Homeless man lands brand ambassador role with Wilkin & Sons Ltd.
  • Long faces after woman refused service at drive-thru.
  • Erotic bush gets deflowered.
  • Man tries to enrol adopted son into pre-shoal.

Rob lets the cat out of the bag...literally.

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Direct download: LA244.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:03pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Egyptian zoo unveils world's only zebracorn.
  • Man attacked by rare churchyard-dwelling Pokemon.
  • Police take convicted-criminal based satirical piece to Edinburgh Festival.
  • High street store experiencing spate of novelty inflatable returns due to 'lack of usable holes'.

We tremble before the mighty Thor...

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Direct download: LA243.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:06pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Anonymous man fondles raw chicken.
  • Royal Mail attempt to stop seagull going postal.
  • New Happy Meal toy range proves extremely unpopular with customers.
  • Neighbour mysteriously vanishes following dispute over vandalised pool.

We discuss supermarket sexual favours...

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Direct download: LA242.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:12am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Drunkard tries to snatch woman's furry companion. 
  • Bears allowed to sh*t in woods again. 
  • Spurned groom finds happiness in nearby field.
  • Man brags about vast bird seed fortune to local paper.

It's coming home...

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Direct download: LA241.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 10:44am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Man blames failed relationship on ghost of 7-foot circus ringmaster.

  • Woman caught shaving legs in communal hotel pool states hot tub was already full.

  • Residents of Cornish town believe foul stench of rotting meat coming from Devon.

  • Driver of mobility scooter claims that detailed Airfix model of HMS Vanguard caused hit-and-run.

How do you like to kill your bobcat?

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Direct download: LA240.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:38am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Heroic boyfriend defends partner by throwing pillows at fox.
  • PETA swoop to rescue already dead duck killed by boy.
  • Sisters spot pensioner 'enjoying the view'.
  • Company owners forced to apologise via news conference after employee repeatedly ordered lunch 3 mins early.

We suggest an alternate ending for Last of the Summer Wine...

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Direct download: la239.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:27am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Beloved family pet starts sh*tting in woods.
  • Mastermind behind elaborate mail fraud finally unmasked.
  • Drunken raver left feeling sheepish after opportunistic theft on way home.
  • FA Cup Final interrupted by mythical beast in local river.

We ask the burning questions about the fall of Sodom and Gomorrah...

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Direct download: LA238.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:29am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Woman takes photograph of literally nothing.
  • Con artist ensnares elderly parents in lost car scam.
  • Local sh*thole ruined by royal wedding detritus.
  • Child stranded in Bali forced to hitchhike back to Australia.

The Roland Rat impressions make an unwelcome return...

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Direct download: LA237.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 11:04am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Peanut-addicted badgers lay waste to Scottish castle.
  • Coconut arrested on suspicion of electoral fraud reduced to husk of former self.
  • 'Equestrian Escorts' website shut down by police following multiple complaints.
  • The 'Magnetic Rice' diet has attracted the attention of Millennials.

We discuss the greatest decade...

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Direct download: LA236.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:26pm EST
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Direct download: LA235.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:04pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Coleslaw sandwich eating burglar comes to sticky end.
  • Honeymooning couple embark on once-in-a-lifetime trip to Torquay.
  • Thug assaults man, swims to France.
  • Robbing hoodies have bow and arrow confiscated by police.

Rob goes AWOL...

We discuss the latest release from Faecal Matter...

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Direct download: LA234.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:37pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Motorcyclist stopped for speeding informs police that he has transcended the constraints of Road Traffic Law.
  • Mindless vandals target bug hotel. 
  • Richard Madeley claims Gallagher brothers burgled his house.
  • Local 'zoo' forced to question the authenticity of vulture bought in car park.

We discuss the latest release from Faecal Matter...

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Direct download: newst_ep.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:35am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Massive hologram of Vladimir Putin wins election by landslide.
  • Thamesmead Swan Patrol disbands after failing their sole objective.
  • Freezing temperatures results in Southeastern trains running with minor delays of up to five hours.
  • Operation Takahe investigating the disappearance of the White Rabbit of Barnes Bridge.

Alex and Rob take a turn for the worse... 

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Direct download: LA232.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:50am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Country Park Assistant Ranger refuses to give up on the fairies.
  • Romantic proposes to Pineapple in Greggs the Delicatessen.
  • Joker brandishes sausage roll in offensive manner.
  • Loyal emotional support hamster meets unceremonious end.

We celebrate the passing of another year...

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Direct download: LA231.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:46am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Jack Sparrow impersonator marries ghost of 300-year-old pirate.
  • French police bring abrupt end to simian sightseeing trip.
  • Man armed with slip of paper attempts post office robbery.
  • Camel beauty contest organisers reluctantly drop swimsuit round. 

We are still trying to raise money to replace our defunct microphone. Please donate what you can here. Thanks. 

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Direct download: LA330.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:49am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Butcher wielding blood sausage facilitates release.
  • Woman calls RSPCA over slipper welfare concerns.
  • Equipped father heads to park for some alone time.
  • Local council takes drastic action to quell suspected dirty protest.

Now with 50% more pointless, rambling chat!

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Direct download: LA229.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:16pm EST
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