Local Anaesthetic: The Most Trusted Name In Local News Local Anaesthetic is a podcast exploring strange and funny local stories from across the UK (and occasionally the world...) including listener submitted contributions. Listeners can submit stories via Facebook (Facebook.com/lapodcast), Twitter (@lapocast) or e-mail: (lapodcast.net@gmail.com). We

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Beauty queen wins Mediocre Smile of the Year award.
  • Rare Bulgarian Shyte Hawk spotted in Kent.
  • The Special One denies rumoured signing of Jesus Christ.
  • Ex-porn star releases budget French cook book which includes recipes such as sucre sur la pain and cornflakes avec de l'eau.

Also revealed: Um Bongo, Um Bongo, they drink it on the podcast...

Direct download: la124.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:54am EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Barrister charged with contempt of court after making excessive number of lamppost related jokes during trail.
  • Police arrest squirrel under the Terrorism Act following standoff in school playground.
  • Operation Yuletree releases more detailed description of criminal dressed as Santa Claus after 10,000+ suspected sightings.
  • Woman reveals that she believed Blackheath park bench stranger to be a nutter.

Also revealed: We start work on our new bestselling novel 'Croquet in Baghdad'...

Direct download: la123.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:18am EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Bus driver arrested by grammar police.
  • Gas safety certificate containing declaration of love backfires spectacularly.
  • Blindness curse lifted by 'magical' optician.
  • Hospital's theatrical production based upon Greek mythology in jeopardy after Icarus goes method.

Also revealed: Alex unwittingly returns to Dickensian London...sort of.

Direct download: la122.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:19am EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Manager politely reminds customer that staff will not exchange money for sex.
  • Man demands refund from pet manufacturer after taking traumatised dog on luxury spa break.
  • Woman disappointed after impulse buy with suggestive name turns out to be toy chicken.
  • Cream tea offered as compensation to working class mother.

Also revealed: We demand to know how far away the goats are?!

Direct download: la121.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:48am EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Catford celebrates victory in UK's sexiest bus route competition.
  • Court hears depraved man suggest Crayford day trip to unsuspecting partner.
  • Driver refuses to pay delivery charge on chicken tikka after ploughing car in takeaway window.
  • Restaurateur cautioned by police after force feeding expired food produce to grandmother following food hygiene inspection.

Also revealed: Our top three tips for correctly identifying excrement...

Direct download: la120_new.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:40am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Protestors get their bloody meat out in Central London.
  • Woman hands over £1,500 to bogus door-to-door council tax collector.
  • Criminal slams cost of coach hire as daylight robbery.
  • Scrap metal dealer and crematorium plaque enthusiast denies clandestine marriage to badger.

 

Also revealed: We keep the camp fire burning…

Direct download: la119.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:29am EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Nick Berry found safe and wealthy after concern from local media.
  • Fish puns in newspaper article overshadow seriousness of road traffic accident.
  • Bird of prey centre deny dinosaur breeding program.
  • Express gynaecology clinic condemned by medical professionals.

Also revealed: We attempt to find out whether we get to keep the pen...

Direct download: LA118.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:46pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Street performer burned at the stake for witchcraft in Woolwich.
  • Man admits that unwitting lie to girlfriend led to international campaign.
  • College of Psychic Studies graduate fails to see link to terrorist organisation.
  • Female giant spotted in Cardiff restaurant.

Also revealed: Too much detail about our nocturnal ablutions...

Direct download: la117.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:38pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Mushroom enthusiast and fun guy suspected of sexual foraging.
  • Helicopter pilot questions structural rigidity of brick wall belonging to Communist.
  • Fully grown male found wrapped around boiler in family's kitchen.
  • Cat killer phones in deadly snake sighting to elude capture.

Also revealed: The animal noises make a welcome return...

Direct download: la116.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:05pm EST
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LA 115: Steaming Pile of Chanticleer Ornamental Pears

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Council ridicules resident after failing to identify an apple.
  • Boxer arrested after claiming left hook healed the sick.
  • Pub chain deny dirty dishcloth cover-up.
  • Obedient Wives Club admits booking error following lecture at local Women's Institute branch.

Also revealed: Just why would you burn down the worker's shed...?

Direct download: la115.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:54pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Pensioner traumatised by protruding door excluder flashbacks.
  • Insurance company quietly selves comprehensive straw cover policy.
  • Se7en themed birthday party brought to abrupt end after present giving.
  • Woman disgraced by horse fingered by rag & bone men.

Also revealed: Just who is Ethel Testicles...?

Direct download: la114.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:21pm EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Man caught off guard by pomegranate.
  • Survey finds that 1 in 5 believe London to be separate country.
  • Travelling meat salesmen questioned by police.
  • Ninja turtle prime suspect in turf war shooting.

Also revealed: Rob forgets the lobster...

Direct download: la113.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:23pm EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Sentient cash machine turns political.
  • Shopping trolley celebrated as local hero after filling void in station car park.
  • Market trader prosecuted after selling sex pills to underage seahorses.
  • Cat takes neighbours hostage after receiving Antisocial Behavioural Order from council.

Also revealed: We sit in the dark...

Direct download: la112.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:43am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Diabetes charity falls victim to ironic burglary.
  • Protester disavowed by Anonymous collective after failing to understand the definition of anonymity.
  • Historians ridicule 'ludicrous' link between road signs and Nazi atrocities.
  • Police consider demand for 10 day all inclusive Caribbean cruise made by man on rooftop.

Also revealed: We mourn the loss of B*stard the sheep...

Direct download: la111.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:13pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Man reunited with semi-naked father.
  • Sailor blames map of Southampton for almost certain death.
  • Repeat victim of raw sewage floor contemplates move.
  • Tesco reconsiders £50 Oddbins voucher for participants of Go Sober 2014.

Also revealed: We discuss the cut-off age for the Now That's What I Call Music compilations...

Direct download: la110.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:12pm EST
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Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Recently found left-handed teenager missing again.
  • Police smash anti-feline terrorist ring.
  • Conman facing jail time after conning woman with biscuity treat scam.
  • Racist unsurprisingly racist.

Also revealed: We apologise for the tone we've set...

Direct download: la109.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:02pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Tesco introduces mandatory chocoloate bar identification training.
  • Tests reveal that mystery object found in loaf of bread to be 15th century Papal ring.
  • Gnomes held in police custody on firearms charge.
  • Environmentalist attempts to recycle disused JCB digger.

Also revealed: We discuss the bread product compensation scale...

Direct download: la108.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:46pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Animatronic tyrannosaurus stolen from council estate in Hackney.
  • Cockle boat owner denies bragging to locals about prosthetic leg sale.
  • Father struggles to feed monster baby.
  • Supermarket giant refuses to compensate man who found crab in cereal.

Also revealed: Rob has some new neighbours...

Direct download: la107.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:54pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Sex shop trails drone delivery service.
  • Stationery shortage results in city farm taking drastic action.
  • Impoverished volunteer bailiff beheads swan.
  • Police fail to find cat in showering woman video despite repeat viewings.

Also revealed: We ask "can you smell chip fat?"

Direct download: la106_2.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:49pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Man answers phone up to six times a day.
  • Fusion takeaway admits that curry surprise ingredients may have been somewhat ambiguous.
  • Extremely low budget Hulk remake filmed in Deptford.
  • Millionaire incites cat euthanasia plan after being abandon by childhood kitten.

Also revealed: We hatch a plan involving the elderly..

Direct download: la105.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:56am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Reporter milks large nippled dog story.
  • Couple deny illicit hotel liaison with escort rabbit.
  • Primary school defends work experience programs with strip club and travelling circus.
  • 'Pet of the Week' story dropped after talking bird found to be paranoid delusion.

Also revealed: Alex impersonates a budgie...

Direct download: la104.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:57pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Gambling addict prosecuted after placing bet on length of time before child stolen from outside bookmakers.
  • Miraculous improvement in child's eyesight after told to move closer to objects.
  • Police Commissioner turns to Cup a Soup for comfort and policy advice.
  • Charity shop staggered by dramatic increase in donations of broken glass and Annie Lennox CDs.

Also revealed: We discuss cats and cafes...

Direct download: LA103.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 9:56am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Fly-tipping of unwanted eagles on increase.
  • Swans destroyed by spawn of scum parents.
  • 81-year-old crow attack victim makes dubious career claim.
  • Passenger indignant after staff refuse discount on day return to Holyhead for pony.

Also revealed: We mourn the passing of a comedy legend...

Direct download: la102.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:15pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • KFC attempts to woo lucrative funeral trade with allocated park spaces for hearses.
  • Orange unveils new 'Pathetic' price plan for contemptible customers.
  • Former decorator still single despite lonely hearts advert for 'slim, top heavy, 20-25 year old stunner with no discernible intelligence. No fat chicks.'
  • Shortage of Einstein busts and Buddha statues blamed for fall in inflation.

Also revealed: We investigate a murder...

Direct download: la101.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:00pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Mass brawl at bus garage open day following disparaging Routemaster joke.
  • Deadly cheetah on loose is 'occupational hazard' claims owner.
  • UKIP candidate makes spurious claim that homeless foreigner took cardboard box from homeless British man which prompted alleged assault.
  • Welsh people 'superior genetic material' claims part-time Ufologist and fantasist.

Also revealed: We reflect on the last 99 episodes...

Direct download: la100.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:14pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Emergency services question soaring costs of superfluous rescue boat.
  • Family man moves back in with parents after hilarious prank comes to fruition.
  • High Priestess denies link between dirty nappies and the occult.
  • Sh*tbags fingered in attempted asthmatic memorial bench theft.

Also revealed: We get interrupted...

Direct download: la99.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 10:49am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Nick Griffin, BNP Chairman denies shameless attempt to secure female vote by canvassing in drag.
  • Police close-in on amateur social worker after stethoscope found in hedgerow.
  • Mice annex council house and establish sovereign territory.
  • Somalia pirate exchanges life on the high sea for deputy manager position in local Gregg's delicatessen.

Also revealed: We discuss the romantic side of a theme park ride...

Direct download: la98.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:11am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Discredited historian claims clowning profession descended from Jesus.
  • Dramatic increase in requests for Victorian hairstyles reports salon.
  • School introduces corset and suspenders discussion to sex and relationships education.
  • Security guard suspended after using genitals to search items for contraband.

Also revealed: Rob struggles...

Direct download: la97.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:13pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Seven-year-old headteacher ushers in changes reminiscent of Victorian workhouse.
  • Swingers delighted by Black Bullhead discovery.
  • Clown shortage unrelated to ongoing police operation says clown union, No Laughing Matter.
  • Misconceptions about Wales found to be only partial true.
  • Amateurish podcast features in local paper after competition entry (Click here).

Also revealed: We endorse the legendary triangular Swiss chocolate with honey and almond nougat...

Direct download: la96.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 10:50am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Local pub praised for security measures in review.
  • Woman inherits supermarket empire after finding rancid pastrami.
  • Fast food chain defends advertisements aimed at pets.
  • Grandmother threats bouncer after disparaging remark about bicycle repair business.

Also revealed: We cover the same story...

Direct download: la95.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 11:55am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Disgruntled park keeper admits laying poison sandwich traps.
  • Smoke alarm aid burns in fire.
  • Arsene Wenger denies Joan of Arc rumour.
  • Pathetic child distressed after find rat in bed.

Also revealed: How to fit a duvet through a letterbox...

Direct download: la94_1.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:06am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Flying ace Sidcup Morrison knighted in Queen's Birthday Honours List.
  • Greendale residents outraged after postmaster alleged to resemble dead tree.
  • Newspaper launches top ten list competition after news dries up.
  • UFO sighting found to be cloud-shaped cloud.

Also revealed: We decide to enter a competition...

Direct download: la93.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 10:17am EST
Comments[0]

LA 92: More Bitterness than the Lemon Aisle in Sainsbury's.

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Criminal receives 'Get out of Jail' free card after successfully committing all known offences.
  • 'Money over Humanity' slogan dropped by global restaurant chain. 
  • Mayor outlines controversial crocodile defence tax.
  • Middle-class toddler trouser horror.

Also revealed: We converse with a pond...

Direct download: la92.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:43pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Bananas uncovered as new gateway drug.
  • Top ten best sociopathic chat-up lines revealed. 
  • Grieving Orpington man denies knowledge of pre-booked break to Amsterdam after funeral.
  • Croydon chosen as new face of mayonnaise.

Also revealed: We fondly remember the Mir Space Station Fire.  

Direct download: la91.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:38pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • New fashionable dead mouse cocktail hits Shoreditch.
  • Door-to-door brick saleman outraged by malicious allegations. 
  • Supermarket chain agrees lucrative mineral water deal with local pond.
  • Drunken man cooks pants after mistaking wardrobe for fridge.

Also revealed: The romance comes to an abrupt end.  

Direct download: la90.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:15pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Customer mistakenly identifies insect found in kebab.
  • University withdraws funding after remote controlled cockroach. 
  • Pavlova theft sparks nationwide condemnation.
  • Shrub implicated in swan murder.

Also revealed: Alex has an axe to grind...not literally. 

Direct download: la89.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:38am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Customer suggests anarchic new burger to fast food 'restaurant'.
  • Journalist meets premature end over unsympathetic story. 
  • Fairies discovered in rural barn.
  • Tourist found using correct pronunciation results in immediate name change for Welsh village.

Also revealed: Rob uncovers his true heritage... 

Direct download: la88.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:39am EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.

 

Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 

 

 

Stories this week include:

  • Taxi driver discovers headlights after 13 years in the business.
  • Pigeon fancier grounded by council. 
  • English breakfast composition discussion descends into anarchy.
  • Significant breakthrough in historical saw theft rocks local community.

Also revealed: The continental feel continues... 

Direct download: la87.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:46pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.


Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 


Stories this week include:

  • Mysterious rise in repetitive strain injury in Stroud.
  • 26 liars revealed after local survey on television ownership. 
  • Work-shy gypsy curses haunted council house.
  • Grandmother mourns loss of crap Christmas present.

Also revealed: Rob's dress sense is called into question...  

Direct download: la86.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:18pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.


Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 


Stories this week include:

  • Deputy Chief Sewer Flusher once again overlooked for promotion.
  • Mysterious dusty vase found among Christmas presents. 
  • Missing dog loses picture competition.
  • Train Operating Company denies passenger culling suggestion to reducing running costs.

Also revealed: Alex completes a jigsaw...  

Direct download: la85.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:44pm EST
Comments[0]

Alex and Rob cast an irreverent eye over local news from their respective home towns.


Listeners can submit stories from their local area to:lapodcast.net@gmail.com 


Stories this week include:

  • Kidnapper passes through customs after producing consent letter from victim's father.
  • Police finger suspect in prosthetic arm theft. 
  • Makers of Monopoly struggle to fill board with local landmarks for new Swindon based edition.
  • The ubiquitous White Van Man strikes again.

Also revealed: We dole out ill-advised relationship advice...  

Direct download: la84.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:49am EST
Comments[0]