Local Anaesthetic: The Most Trusted Name In Local News Local Anaesthetic is a podcast exploring strange and funny local stories from across the UK (and occasionally the world...) including listener submitted contributions. Listeners can submit stories via Facebook (Facebook.com/lapodcast), Twitter (@lapocast) or e-mail: (lapodcast.net@gmail.com). We

Stories this week include:

  • Thamesmead Swan Patrol (TSP) forced to reduce daily patrols due to lack of interest.
  • Surprise surge in chocolate coin sales as confusion surrounding cryptocurrency grows.
  • The Krankies defend 'lewd and offensive' pantomime performance with crass and obscene statement.
  • Origin of Species to be revised after man cements microwave to own head.

Also revealed: Rob is left empty-handed yet again...

Wishing all our listeners a very happy Christmas and restful New Year!

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Direct download: LA228_new_edit.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:59am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • The spectre of Robin Hood stages intervention for local UFO expert.
  • Manhunt continues for crazed, pin-wielding fugitive.
  • Travelodge to offer new donkey befriending service.
  • Family rescued by coastguard after being caught 'swerving for a badger'.

Also revealed: We investigate the difference between marshland and wetland (which is as dull as it sounds)...

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Direct download: LA227.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 10:53am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Faecal connoisseur shaves dog.
  • Pensioner discovers unexploded courgette.
  • Newcastle man admits that pasty tattoo was a misteak.
  • Homeowner mourns the loss of front lawn.

Also revealed: The News Shopper has a new Editor-in-Chief...

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Twitter: @LAPodcast

Direct download: LA226.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:42pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Welsh defeat hostile octopuses.
  • Remote village burns sacrificial wicker van to the God of broadband speeds.

  • Bus company owner sacks entire workforce in order to follow dream or not owning a bus company.
  • Papa John's sieg to distance themselves from Neo-Nazi endorsement.

Also revealed: Always count your partridges...

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Direct download: LA225.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 9:20am EDT
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Breaking News: Alex goes it alone for the final time...

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Direct download: LA224.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:28am EDT
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Breaking News: Alex goes it alone...(Part 2)

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Direct download: LA223.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:56am EDT
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Breaking News: Alex goes it alone...(Part 1)

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Direct download: LA222.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:11am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Deadly sock discovered in Coventry bedroom.
  • Local hero to publish explosive diary charting the biodegradable properties of plastic bags.

  • Criminal gang charged with handling salmon in suspicious circumstances.
  • Man has final game of hide and seek with police before arrest.

Also revealed: We resurrect another pointless feature...

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Direct download: LA220-1.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:01am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Welsh shopkeeper forced to admit that dogs cannot talk following extensive research.
  • Morbid photo stunt damages priceless coffin.

  • Narcissistic and fantasist brags of his 'f*ck off money'.
  • Shock as Paranormal investigator reveals that haunted doll is haunted.

Also revealed: We search faeces on Wikipedia for no discernible reason...

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Direct download: LA220.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:42pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Luddite uses petrol station.
  • Possessed charity shop doll scapegoated for infidelity.
  • Guinea pig 'deposited' in shopping centre bathroom. 
  • Novelist and former landlord uses national newspaper to boast of her numerous achievements. 

Also revealed: Alex’s powers appear to be failing him…

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Direct download: LA219.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:39am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Forcible trout delivery destroys man's letterbox.
  • Community group left bewildered after malicious attack.
  • Charitable stranger donates untreated fox fur coat to shop. 
  • DVLA accused of cowardice after backing out of trail by combat request. 

Also revealed: We try to source a sixpence...

 

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Twitter: @LAPodcast

Direct download: LA218.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 11:34am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • King George III inadvertently takes social media by storm.
  • Amazon's new delivery service proves wildly unpopular.
  • Bride and groom fall short of having the time of their lives. 
  • Crystal Palace mascot flies to Newcastle for job interview. 

Also revealed: We discuss the eagerly awaited return of Mr Ames...

 

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Twitter: @LAPodcast

 

Direct download: LA217.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:23pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Croydon finally gets the hero it never deserved.
  • Arkansas man gets biblical in the name of freedom.
  • Internal investigation into police biscuit theft starts to crumble. 
  • Magic money tree blamed for road littered with banknotes in Epping Forest. 

Also revealed: Would anyone listen to a podcast called 'Bee Talk'?

 

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Twitter: @LAPodcast

 

Direct download: LA216.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 9:43am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Accidentally topless Little Mermaid swimsuit surprise hit with single, middle-aged men.
  • Homeless family refuses council house after second storey tent extension nears completion.
  • Bus driver in the sh*t after taking wrong turn
  • Councillors unanimously approve chauffeur for town cat. 

Also revealed: The tension is palpable...

 

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Direct download: LA214-1.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:17pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Man celebrates first day at new job by leaving early and threatening to burn down manager's house.
  • Couple no longer alarmed by clock stuck in wall.
  • RSPCA rescues goose trapped in thong.
  • Toerag steals mummified digit from signature cocktail. 

Also revealed: We discuss the correct way to dispose of a dead goose...

Direct download: LA214.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:27am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • 'Problem' cat elected to town council.
  • Police investigation into hand dryer thefts hotting up.
  • Common pineapple takes art world by storm.
  • Ill-conceived low budget remake of Animal Farm lands director in court. 

Also revealed: We establish the South Norwood Animal Tracking and Cat Helpline (SNATCH)...

Direct download: LA2131.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:45am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Croydon changes town motto to 'No Town is Perfect'.
  • Crisis brewing as Japan faces 'super-mature' adult film star shortage.
  • Man committed to moving lawn.
  • Charity shop sees surprise surge in sales after explicit photos discovered amongst donations. 

Also revealed: We receive an offer we can't refuse...

Direct download: LA212.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:17am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Black Magic Badger Killers to play fundraiser for neighbourhood witches.
  • Unique Automated Blessing Robot wages holy war against own congregation.
  • Local man believes time traveller may have been captured on old school photograph.
  • Three-legged 'horse' fails to win Poundworld Steeplechase. 

Also revealed: We find out what Rob would be willing to do for money...

Direct download: LA211.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:34am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Sad badger spotted at car boot sale.
  • Council praised for installation of human faecal bags in local park.
  • Grandmother takes scenic route to hospital appointment.
  • Nurse makes playful comparison between elderly care home resident and Jabba the Hut. 

Also revealed: We relish a potential legal challenge...

Direct download: LA_210.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:04am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Bistro leaves unpleasant taste in mouth following ill-conceived joke.
  • Man struggles to let go of dead brother. Literally.
  • Cheating husband admits to morning Pernod.
  • Irrelevant rapper organises immersive Lord of the Flies experience. 

Also revealed: Rob encounters the mythical porn fairy...

Direct download: 209_-_13-05-2017_12.23.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:05am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Middle aged man gatecrashes outward bound holiday for disadvantaged teens. 
  • Cross-dressing basketball player passes peacefully after learning of Trump's impeachment. 
  • Man fails to find anything in his back garden. Twice. 
  • 4/5 people in Greater Manchester confused by the prospect of sex on a wine rack.   

Also revealed: We try not to mention Hitler...

Direct download: La209.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:40pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Nationwide chain store to stop stuffing rabbits into chocolate eggs for Easter. 
  • Chelmsford in uproar following Burger King prank. 
  • Pensioner claims full grown gorilla will fit in a Vauxhall Cavalier. 
  • North Korea vows retaliation against local paper after Pyongyang compared to Skegness.   

Also revealed: We take time to reflect on the sacrifice made by chocolate Benedict Cumberbatch?

Direct download: La207.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:16am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Donkey with low self-esteem struggling to skate again.
  • Renamed shopping street 'Archway to Hell' sees surprise decline in sales.
  • Local town beats off stiff competition to be named 'Pervert Capital of the United Kingdom'.
  • Charity fundraiser cancelled due to lack of interest.    

Also revealed: Would you consider contributing towards Rob's honeymoon?

Direct download: La206.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 1:09pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Supermarket manager attempts to cut short impromptu guitar solo by eight-year-old.
  • 'Celebrated' editor takes to his keyboard to vent fury at pigeon-feeding pensioner.
  • Drunk man fails to order Happy Meal from car wash.
  • An alarming new crave called 'Water Drinking Battle for Men' is sweeping Japan.    

Also revealed: We spend too much time perfecting our Roland Rat impressions...

Direct download: La205.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 12:21pm EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • Jobseeker fails interview after struggling to answer probing questions.
  • Corpse successfully contests rigged election.
  • 'Greggs the Delicatessen' denies employing rats to manage mouse infestation at local store.
  • Councils told to stop named streets after potential sex offenders.    

Also revealed: We come up with a new slogan for Birds Eye...

Direct download: La204.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:17am EDT
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Stories this week include:

  • New human speed bump proving unpopular with motorists.
  • Man reluctantly admits that 3 hours in A&E preferable to watching Newcastle United.
  • Cheltenham in shock after unripe avocado used in drive-by.
  • Canary bears uncanny resemblance to an angry Cheeto.    

Also revealed: Rob admits to being a Harvester apologist...

Direct download: La203.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:05am EDT

Stories this week include:

  • Busty bust-up in Toby Carvery.
  • Village resident regrets selling lover to circus.
  • Father's fury at sh*tty swing in sh*tty park.
  • Cornish newspaper breaks Trump 'exclusive'.    

Also revealed: The Graduation Theory gathers momentum...

Direct download: La202_.mp3.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:45am EDT

Stories this week include:

  • All female Slayer tribute band denies link to Croydon (and surrounding area) Cat Killer.
  • Matalan defends range of luxury gifts made by 'highest category of UK-based prisoners'.
  • Shopper tries to locate mystery woman following basket banter.
  • Police detain poaching gang following unpheasant discovery.    

Also revealed: Rob makes a cash offer...

Direct download: la201.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:53am EDT

Stories this week include:

  • Woman shocked by exceptional breasts.
  • Town refuses to recognise local hero that saved beloved pet from imaginary fire.
  • Giant goose thought to be heading to Exeter.
  • 'Expert' claims that the Ford Transit is the extra-terrestrial's light commercial vehicle of choice.    

Also revealed: Concern grows for Alex's mental wellbeing...

Direct download: LA200_-_19_01_2017_13.47.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 9:35am EDT

Stories this week include:

  • Firefighters stunned at duck's ability to swim in water.
  • Local man insists that everyone should 'get it out' at Christmas.
  • Foul-mouthed customer upset by free gift.
  • Husband punches beaver for the first time, apparently.   

Also revealed: We name a selection of Welsh recording artists...

Direct download: la199.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 11:16am EDT