Local Anaesthetic: The Most Trusted Name In Local News Local Anaesthetic is a podcast exploring strange and funny local stories from across the UK (and occasionally the world...) including listener submitted contributions. Listeners can submit stories via Facebook (Facebook.com/lapodcast), Twitter (@lapocast) or e-mail: (lapodcast.net@gmail.com). We

Stories this week include:

  • Saviour of poultry returns from the dead in Cornwall.
  • Man with vendetta launches campaign to rid Gloucester of all pet felines.
  • Factory worker engages in stand-off with armed police after mother revokes television privileges.
  • Offensive Christmas decoration is this year's must have for Yewtree.  

Also revealed: We wish all our listeners a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...now, how about a badly sung Christmas carol?

Direct download: la198.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:33am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • 'West Country Disneyland' finally issued with a cease and desist for copyright infringement.
  • Overweight son still upset despite a million wishes to the contrary.
  • Police demand motorist pays for damage to mattress that caused A34 crash.
  • Car park bones not human.  

Also revealed: We address a formal compliant...

Direct download: la197.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:15am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Deer on beach reported to police.
  • Lindsay Lohan dismisses Northamptonshire town.
  • Man captures picture of ghost/dog on Snapchat.
  • Smug b*stard awarded chocolate.  

Also revealed: Alex smells his jeans...

Direct download: la196.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:34am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Police launch investigation into 'special interest' club established by Tory peer.
  • Attention seeking roofer finds imaginative new way to embarrass himself.
  • Delays to train service caused by wrong kind of squirrel.
  • Aliens force man to go to bed.  

Also revealed: Rob gets angry...

Direct download: la195_edit.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:28am EST
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LA Podcast 194: No Pirates, Just Druggies

Stories this week include:

  • Shopper severs own toe in protest at store's woeful Christmas display.
  • Father admits concocting message in a bottle stunt to enliven mundane existence.
  • Conservation peer may or may not have murdered family pet.
  • Disagreement quickly slides into mass brawl.  

Also revealed: We celebrate the New World Order...

Direct download: la194.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 2:19pm EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Better class of racist thug convicted in Poole.
  • Off-roading pensioners incite cow stampede.
  • Panthers believed to have infiltrated several FTSE 100 CEO posts.
  • Harry Redknapp [REDACTED] [REDACTED] wife following [REDACTED] [REDACTED].  

Also revealed: We reluctantly discuss a certain election...

Direct download: la193.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:44am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • 'World's Grumpiest Old Woman 2015' stages naked protest after becoming fed up with everything.
  • Bus driver finally admits abject hatred of passengers.
  • Bespoke private offices double as public toilet.
  • Sex act on nature trail sets evolution back by approximately 65 million years.  

Also revealed: Alex reveals his failed career as a magician...

Direct download: la_i_dont_know.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:34am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Well-endowed fleas begin reign of terror across South East London.
  • Police finally crack Travel Cluedo theft.
  • Man finds Holland-on-Sea deserted with not a Pokemon in sight.
  • Eight-year-old fails to secure financial backs despite identifying emerging marketing opportunities. 

Also revealed: We go on pilgrimage...

Direct download: la19....mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:36am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Croydon cat killer film 'Operation Takehe' set for London-wide release.
  • Highly skilled regiment of weaponised monkeys manages to steal nuclear codes.
  • Footballer stands firm on proposed legal action.
  • Unlucky Russian scientist watches awkward situation get significantly worse. 

Also revealed: We launch the campaign for the 'Redistribution of Bank Holidays'...

Direct download: la190.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:44am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Domino's attempt to liven up boring cheese and ham pizza.
  • Police track down flasher resembling infamous Bond villain.
  • Siblings head to Blackheath Common for a 'Pokemon Hunt'.
  • Teacher caught sneaking in to school to retrieve leftover fish fingers. 

Also revealed: We debate how clean a pufferfish actually is...

Direct download: 189.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:44am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Former Chancellor believed to be amassing private militia to stage coup.
  • Beloved inflatable employee forced into early retirement for a crude piece of 'misguided marketing humour'.
  • Stables left facing bankruptcy after 15 tons of 'equine gold' goes up in flames.
  • Unusual sculptures become the toast of the town. 

Also revealed: We consider employing the services of a local professor...

Direct download: la189.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 3:48am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Olympics in jeopardy after box of matches go missing.
  • Police appeal for witnesses after alleged 'milking' in local park.
  • Telephone box protest ends in stalemate.
  • Claimants to receive abusive voicemails from Job Centre staff until they re-enter employment says Work and Pensions Secretary. 

Also revealed: Rob buys a birthday card...

Direct download: la188.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:45am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Jealous partner seizes on opportunity to release beloved family pet back into wild.
  • Delivery driver leaves helpful note for self-employed mother.
  • Village idiot finds herself in yet another hilarious scrape.
  • Ministry of Justice deny reports of pilot scheme where drones used to deliver meals to prisoners. 

Also revealed: The YouTube push continues...

Direct download: la186.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 9:05am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Tinder tool gets the military coup he rightly deserves.
  • Victim of air rage allowed to fly plane for remainder of flight.
  • Man delighted at prospect of first 'banana' party.
  • Helicopter and leaf-blower fails to dry out cricket pitch in time for crucial game. 

Also revealed: Anyone for YouTube?

Direct download: la185.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:43am EST
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LA Podcast 184: Beautiful Red Permed Hair Reminiscent of the 80's (and a Collection of Chessboards from Colonel Gaddafi)

Stories this week include:

  • Woman shocked to see cock on roundabout.
  • Terrifying creature revealed to be some old yarn. 
  • Llamas stage protest against Tour de France.
  • Man bored of Brexit captures pilot of UFO on film.

Also revealed: We consider filing for copyright infringement...

Direct download: la184.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:16am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Police smash illegal rubber duck racing ring.
  • Disgraced former Animal Hospital presenter causing stink in prison. 
  • Man that probably met Michael Jackson convicted of tax avoidance.
  • Mythical 10 man train believed to be active in Barnehurst.

WARNING: High levels of Brexit contained within this podcast...

Direct download: la183.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:47am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Electro Smog set to release comeback album produced by Noel Edmonds.
  • 31 years of karate experience failed to prevent savage attack on washing machine. 
  • Vicar invokes diplomatic immunity from the Almighty following drunken arrest.
  • Department of Work and Pensions refuses to apologise for placing all pensioners in 'non-working/technically deceased' group in order to re-calculate benefits.

Also revealed: We explore the weird and wonderful submissions for 'the episode' competition...

Direct download: la182.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:03am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Concerns for the mental well-being of 'Priscilla Prim' increase following unprovoked attack on 'Auntie'.
  • Shitterton upstaged by Brown Willy and Scratchy Bottom. 
  • Woefully inadequate man exposed by partner with extensive sex aid collection.
  • Maid escapes ill-conceived amateur remake of comedy farce starring Michael Palin.

Also revealed: We revisit a wildly unpopular and often forgotten soap opera...

Direct download: la1811.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:18am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Idyllic beauty spot left vacant following werewolf sightings.
  • Police refuse selfie with naked sleepwalker. 
  • Lonely man haunted by amorous pigeons.
  • Bouncing pervert captured on CCTV.

Also revealed: Alex threatens to reveal 'old stinker'...

Direct download: la180.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:30am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Band of Dickensian characters stage art heist hoax.
  • Cuts to defence budget starts to bite. 
  • Controversial politician provokes outrage by failing to mention Hitler during interview.
  • Skin flute 'not a real instrument' claims orchestra.

Also revealed: Rob goes to a concert...

Direct download: la179.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:43am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Ricky Gervais refuses to speak out against (or in favour of) the Croydon Cat Killer.
  • Family day out ruined by sh*tty trampoline. 
  • Jammie dodgers make off with £10,000 worth of biscuits.
  • Couple has passports confiscated for their own safety.

Also revealed: We launch an ill-conceived and idiotic competition...

Direct download: la178.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:20am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Epping Forest police constable finally begins to justify salary.
  • South Norwood Animal Rescue and Liberty (SNARL) continue push for global domination. 
  • McDonald's customer politely asked to leave after dining with axe.
  • 'Celebrity' fabricates invasion of privacy story to raise funds for second pair of Bermuda shorts.

Also revealed: We discuss the upper age bracket to have your picture taken with a Shetland pony...

Direct download: la177.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:18am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Militant group annexes Swanage and forms breakaway state.
  • Isolated farmer continues to lose grip on reality amongst her chickens. 
  • Bristol residential claims to have had vision of infamous 'Hand of God' goal.
  • Outgoing journalist decides to mock local dialect in final article.

Also revealed: We make light of the impending collapse of capitalism.

Direct download: la176.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:39am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Intelligent parrot outwits captor.
  • Violence erupts at Easter fun day after the hot cross buns run out. 
  • Covert chip shop reviewer breaks cover. 
  • All the items to make your party go off with a bang found in local canal.

Also revealed: We return to Derby, just around lunchtime...

Direct download: la175.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:22am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Man resorts to violence after listening to the Archers.
  • The homeless to be given reconditioned laptops to aid property search. 
  • Gang of pensioners in the picture for suspicious swan murders. 
  • Incomprehensible man believed to have normal sized hands.

Also revealed: We discuss the plays of Arthur Miller and something about Donald Trump...

Direct download: LA_174.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:40am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Supermarket forced to clarify that their 'Bag for Life' cannot resurrect the dead.
  • Woman outraged at 'vile' mannequin that can clearly be seen not wearing a watch. 
  • RSPCA investigate picture of smoking magpie just for something to do. 
  • Anonymous review of public toilet makes strange reference to 'sticky' facilities.

Also revealed: The derogatory comments about the suspected career choices of our listeners continue...

Direct download: la173.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:57am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Concerned shopper decides to 'water' frozen vegetables.
  • Goose shot dead in drive-by sparks nationwide manhunt. 
  • Extensive RSPCA investigation into cat murders reveals nothing of interest.
  • Ironically named charity shop discovered to be selling live hand grenade.

Also revealed: The Woodland Murder Detectives make an unwelcome return...

Direct download: la172.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 5:49am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Lonely bachelor living vicariously through cat manages to entice fox into grubby world.
  • Monkey with drink problem purchased by Eynsford based wildlife centre. 
  • Man carrying child in fancy dress spotted walking along westbound carriageway of M60.
  • Woman fails to identify brand of chicken and mushroom slice that led to vicious altercation.

Also revealed: Alex learns of the mystical town of Uttoxeter...

Direct download: la171.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:02am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Martin Clunes to star as the notorious Cat Ripper in six-part dramatisation.
  • Bovidae cash and carry opens in North Wales. 
  • Wildlife centre admits more animals appear to have escaped following audit.
  • Woman mistakes birdsong for multiple gun shots.

Also revealed: We immerse ourselves in the world of Geoffspresso...

Direct download: la170.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:50am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Grieving terrapin stolen from family home.
  • Local councillor vows to 'protect the water' of local pool following vandalism. 
  • Couple find disproportionate amount of insects in vegetables.
  • Man refuses to apologise for 'hilarious visual joke' satirising fast food chain's 'snappy' service.

Also revealed: We continue to make assumptions about our listenership...

Direct download: la169.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:34am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Bus company apologises for absurd diversion route.
  • Waitrose reinstate silver service in cafes after pensioners threaten boycott. 
  • Dorset County Council employs private militia to eradicate gangs of rough squirrels.
  • Family relieved to find beloved relative in London Transport lost property office.

Also revealed: We attempt to find the Cat Ripper of Old Croydon Town...

Direct download: la168.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:39am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Mystery box containing mannequin dressed as Osama Bin Laden washes up on Boscombe beach.
  • Anarchistic haircut leads to outbreaks of Fascism in school. 
  • Police activia looking for suspected in drive-biotic yoghurt attack on croquet teacher.
  • One too many viewings of 'Jaws' leads to absurd espionage claim.

Also revealed: Rob makes a shocking and tragic confession (I really am sorry)...

Listeners can submit stories via Facebook, Twitter or e-mail: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Direct download: la167.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 4:51am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Couple discuss the physical and mental challenges of married life.
  • Pizza chain finds novel way of promoting brand by scanning the frequencies of every emergency service. 
  • Set of windows threats to destabilize humanity.
  • Woman shaken by sight of sunlight in local park.

Also revealed: We give a history lesson on men called Robert Stephenson...

Listeners can submit stories via Facebook, Twitter or e-mail: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Direct download: la166.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 8:17am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Steep rise in heartbroken horses reported by RSPCA.
  • Old milkman delivers tedious anecdote. 
  • Excessive sunshine brings rail network to its knees.
  • Wild boar hunter looking for excuse to kill again.

Also revealed: The social media cull continues...

Listeners can submit stories via Facebook, Twitter or e-mail: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Direct download: la16520new.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:40am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Man demands girlfriend and cat be charged by police in relation to missing bacon.
  • Dangerous driver pilloried for ludicrous choice of driving music. 
  • Careless farmer concedes that missing sheep may have simply wandered off.
  • Holidaymakers shocked to discover continent full of foreigners.

Also revealed: All listener. Some filler.

Listeners can submit stories via Facebook, Twitter or e-mail: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Direct download: la164.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 6:48am EST
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Stories this week include:

  • Jim Morrison surfaces to comment on vociferous wind turbine.
  • Mascot of away team deemed to be national security threat. 
  • Unpopular character from totalitarian regime booed at Star Wars premier.
  • Cross-dressing drug addict acquitted of trespassing into 'panda enclosure'.

Also revealed: The donations keep rolling in...

 

Listeners can submit stories via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or e-mail: lapodcast.net@gmail.com

Direct download: la163.mp3
Category:Comedy/News -- posted at: 7:41am EST
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